Loathing Love Poems

Sometimes I feel like I'm not real.
It's like they can't see me.
It's like I'm a ghost.

You seem more interested in others,
I'm sorry I'm boring.
And If I am then go.
I'm sure there is another more exciting and far more beautiful.

So let me be a ghost.
Stuck inside myself.
No one can hear me.
I know they can't see either.

This body is a part of who I am.
It is wounded and broken.
But you don't see it,
You ignore it.
It's me.
And I am a ghost.

May 20th, 2010

What is it you want from me?
I can't tell if it's lust or love you feel
I hate this stupid pain
The pain that you feel when you think the world doesn't care

But I want for you to care
I want you to love me
I know I can not make you
But I hate to be toyed with so

So please if there is nothing in this empty shell you seek
Go!
Go and don't come back

My heart was made to love
But now there is so little left from the past
I just don't know if there will be a person left if I giv you the rest

To trust someone is hard for me
Men have hurt me in ways no one should experience

So how can I trust yet another guy who feels the same about life that they all do?

I want to have a chance to truly love another in this life....
So could that person be you?
That is for you to decide
But only if that is what you want from me

March 21st, 2010

I know I'm not perfect.
But when I'm with you,
That's all I want to be.

I'm scared to let you see the real me,
The crazy insane person I am.

You understand me,
Better than anyone else.
It's like we share our mind and heart.

You have seen a part of the real me.
And you tell me you love it.

If the unperfect me is loved by only you.
Then I don't need the world's love.

I would rather be unperfect,
and loved by you.
Than to try to be something I'm not,
Try to be perfect,
And have the world's love.

March 8th, 2010

Do you really want me?
Am I really yours?
Are you really mine?

I don't understand
I can't read the signs
I don't know, know
Know if it's true
What I think in my mind

You won't ever know
This stupid way I feel
Cuz I won't tell you

You just want a fling
Such a silly little thing
But what if I want more?
I'm sure you won't open that door

I know I am so silly
To think this way
But how am I suppose to think?

March 6th, 2010

I can't make you notice me
Even though I try to make you see
It's like you are blind and deaf
You see and hear all but me

I scream your name inside
You say you can read people
Why can't you read me?

I wish I could speak to you
Like all the other girls do
But I feel scared when I see you

You don't know what you do to me
How I feel when you're near

You say you hate your eyes
You hate the color that they are
Beautiful brown is what I see

Brown like pools of dark gold honey
They reflect how sweet your heart is

I notice you and all that you are
So please notice me

March 6th, 2010

It was sweet,
Beautiful did it smell,
The smell of you I mean.

I understand the choice,
But I still hear that sound,
That sweet voice.

In my dreams,
There you are,
Beautiful as I will always remember.

As your lips go to touch mine,
I wake up.

Breathing in your breathe.
Feeling your lips on mine.

How is this possible?
How can it be?
It was just a dream, right?

January 23rd, 2010

Broken is my bones,
Weak am i,
But i still push on even if you don't love me,
Yes it hurts inside,
But it's better than lovng the unlovable.

Pain is often something that causes you to suffer,
But I do not see this pain as suffering,
I see it as a chance to learn.

I learn that yes there is love,
It is warming and welcoming,
It fills your heart with joy.
It causes you to fill mad at times.
But it is still love.

It also taught me that even if you didn't love,
I did.........with every breathe i had,
Every beat my heart had made.

So i will say this,
Yes it hurt that you didn't appreciate my love for you.
But it showed me that one day I will have a love,
One stronger than can ever be imagined.

And because you could not appreciate the love you had been given,
Not only from me,
But other countless girls,
Your world will end up having only yourself to love.

December 23rd, 2009

Roses are dead,
My heart is too
why couldn't you see how much I loved you?

Their petals are red
my blood is as well
If you loved me you'd never tell.

One rose in my hand
you say your goodbye.

All dressed in black
you can't see my face
As they slowly put me in my plce

Gone forever Never to be seen again
Too bad you couldn't say those words.
The ones I never truly heard.

December 17th, 2009

If I close my eyes forever,
I can't hear the screaming.

If I close my eyes forever,
I don't feel alll the pain.

If I close my eyes forever,
maybe you'll notice their color.

If I close my eyes forever,
maybe you'll miss that i'm gone .

If I close my eyes forever,
maybe your memory
would just fade away
And all the pain
would go away.

December 15th, 2009

Does no one here my call?
I'm screaming out my heart,
Yet i'm quiet as can be.

Where is the other soul?
The one that can hear my silenced pain.

Searching and searching,
But no where to be found.

My heart calls....my pain crys,
Yet there is no answer or confort.

I hope they find me and hear my call,
To hear it means so much.
They can end all of this pain.

Is he really out there to take it away?
If so, then where?

December 14th, 2009

October 23rd, 2009

When I hear a certain song,
I think of how much I love you.
But when it comes to a certain verse,
I think of how much you love her.
Tears start to form; trying to hold them back makes them rush more.

Will I always be second?
Will you always love her more?
I give everything to you for you,
If it came down to it my life as well would be yours.

I hear this certain song,
I think of how I’ll sit in second place,
Wishing I were first forever.

February 27th, 2009